i permit you to call me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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