Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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