Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
