he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
