the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
