i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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