your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
