Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
