My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
