You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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