I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we should paint friendship bongs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
