I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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