I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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