you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
