His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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