WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
