At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
