just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
