New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.