So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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