im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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