The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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