So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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