He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
