Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
pop tarts are not kleenex
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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