the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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