i love accidental penises.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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