we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
