take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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