So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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