Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
