last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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