508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
