Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
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how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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