pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
