She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
