This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
