That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
