Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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