i may or may not be watching the land before time
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
