She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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