people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
