After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
