The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
