please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
