I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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