I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
