We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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