He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
