that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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