I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
