this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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