Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
