...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
