you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize