They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
