your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
