What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
