Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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