im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
