Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
