it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
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The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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