She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
