u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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