Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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