It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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