White coat. Heels.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
