Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life