She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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