There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people