pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.