Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
