I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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