he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
